And so it happens, your eye's open with a near audible 'POP' and you think to yourself, "Woohoo!! It's a new day! I'm up! I'm alive! I'm ready to make this day sing soprano for me!!"
And then you bounce out of bed, slam the light on, cringe a few minutes as your eyes adjust, because it's ALWAYS brighter then you expect it to be, and fling open your cupboard to find something comfie to wear, avoiding a small avalanche of shoes in the process! (You can't have too many shoes, it's a biological fact!)
You slide on all your clothing in random order, whisk yourself to the kitchen and nosh down on a flavourful breakfast! (May I recommend very ripe bananas? They're the gods' gift to mornings!)
Then you gather all your goodies together, bid your warm, odd-smelling nest goodbye and head on outside feeling rather light headed with the adventure of it all.
Only to realize it's looking rather dark.
And your tummy gives an uneasy flippity-flop as your eyes try frantically to tell you a satisfactory story on why it's so dark.
Surely that's a street lamp and not a star? Um, it could be an eclipse? Doesn't it get darker in winter? If I just blink hard enough...
And you look at your cellphone (who wears a watch-a-ma-call-it these days?), and realize that yes, it's 3am, congratulations on having a few extra hours in the morning!
So you go back inside and you wonder.
You can't really go back to sleep because you're in all your natty clothing for the day. You can't really head off early to the office / shops / urologists, because no one is open this early. If you're lucky you have a good book to read, a blog to update or a facebook game that require 15 more points to get to level 'no-else-cares'.
It's an odd sensation.
But sort of nice.
Like you're the only person alive in the world!
Ok, also sort of creepy.
What then, my little friend, do you do with those extra hours?
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Friday 29 July 2011 - added extras
Why are fancy clothes always so uncomfortable? *Wriggles around madly looking oddly like a dog scootering about who has worms*
Great high heels that make your calves look like sculptured steel also make your feet feel like they're caught in a sentient bear trap that's taking a good gnaw or your flavourful flesh!!
A nice, smart blouse constantly itches your back between the shoulder blades like a 4 year old pulling on your skirt going, "Look! Look! Loooooook!" and the skirt itself rides up here and down there and goes places no skirt should go without first buying you dinner and a movie!
Some people put on makeup, usually women but goths and metro-sexual males as well, but I steer clear of the stuff! Makes my skin feel ghastly and I always worry about the mass lipstick intake I gobble down whenever I smile, talk or breathe. And then something small gets in your eye, only you can't rub it cause you'll muss your eyeliner and powders and unguents and stuff, so you go around blinking furiously looking like a pirate with a facial tick!
And then jewelry? Oh hell no! Especially necklaces. I tend to fiddle with them and half strangling myself with a faux ruby choker! Or I forget I'm wearing it and you hear the chain musically snap as you wrench your shirt off in enthusiastic abandonment! And dangly earrings look great, right until they snag on your shoulder and you walk around like Quasimodo's lop-sided sister!
Man, people should hire you for your skills and your savvy! (I put that last one in because I don't have that many skills but I still want to be hired!). They shouldn't hire you for how well you fill in a tight, perky top or Armani suit!
So saying let me go get ready for my interview!
Now where is that sexy, perky, tight top of mine...
Great high heels that make your calves look like sculptured steel also make your feet feel like they're caught in a sentient bear trap that's taking a good gnaw or your flavourful flesh!!
A nice, smart blouse constantly itches your back between the shoulder blades like a 4 year old pulling on your skirt going, "Look! Look! Loooooook!" and the skirt itself rides up here and down there and goes places no skirt should go without first buying you dinner and a movie!
Some people put on makeup, usually women but goths and metro-sexual males as well, but I steer clear of the stuff! Makes my skin feel ghastly and I always worry about the mass lipstick intake I gobble down whenever I smile, talk or breathe. And then something small gets in your eye, only you can't rub it cause you'll muss your eyeliner and powders and unguents and stuff, so you go around blinking furiously looking like a pirate with a facial tick!
And then jewelry? Oh hell no! Especially necklaces. I tend to fiddle with them and half strangling myself with a faux ruby choker! Or I forget I'm wearing it and you hear the chain musically snap as you wrench your shirt off in enthusiastic abandonment! And dangly earrings look great, right until they snag on your shoulder and you walk around like Quasimodo's lop-sided sister!
Man, people should hire you for your skills and your savvy! (I put that last one in because I don't have that many skills but I still want to be hired!). They shouldn't hire you for how well you fill in a tight, perky top or Armani suit!
So saying let me go get ready for my interview!
Now where is that sexy, perky, tight top of mine...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thursday 28 July 2011 - could I have a moment of your time?
What is your purpose in life? What were you, specifically, put on earth to do? What are you striving towards? Are you going to finish that or can I have it?
You know I was thinking,(it's a hobby of mine), about Jehovah witnesses. You know, those bandy legged women and intense starved men who stop you in the street with pamphlets and a foam encrusted smile. We've all been there, done that, ducked into an alley till they're thrown off the scent...
And for once it wasn't just thinking of them in the 'haha-those-guys-need-a-life-and-a-clue' kind of way. (Though that did pop up for a bit, I had to be true to form.)
I've just noticed that people who feel they have a purpose in their lives tend to be a bit happier then those who feel they don't. They have a sense of security while others drift about, never sure what to do or who to do it with (or sometimes to...)
Granted many of these purposeful people can get self righteous and tend to be rather aggressive, ahem... sorry... assertive, in pushing their views on others so that on principle we learn to dislike them and avoid anyone who looks a bit too keen to have "a moment of your time?"
But it's still nice to belong to a group. Everyone wants to belong. Even those who don't want to belong, want people to know they belong to the group that doesn't belong! I know because I belong there! Haha, see? You noticed me! You noticed me!!!
Life without some sort of aim can get a bit blah and pedantic after a while. You sort of feel like you're swimming in molasses, sort of going no where slowly and just ending up in a sticky, pointless mess at the end.
Mind people also don't need that much to feel they have a purpose! Sometimes just setting small goals for yourself is enough! You want to get further at work, find the love of your life, make your children happy, weed the garden or marry the goat, whatever takes your fancy. It still gives you a feeling of going somewhere and doing something!
Because we all need something in our lives to add, well something to our lives! Purpose! Meaning! To feel useful! To feel life means something and isn't just a way station until something else better comes along. (Which is ironic if you think of a Jehovah Witness's Manifesto...)
So what is your purpose in life?
I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours! ^_^
You know I was thinking,(it's a hobby of mine), about Jehovah witnesses. You know, those bandy legged women and intense starved men who stop you in the street with pamphlets and a foam encrusted smile. We've all been there, done that, ducked into an alley till they're thrown off the scent...
And for once it wasn't just thinking of them in the 'haha-those-guys-need-a-life-and-a-clue' kind of way. (Though that did pop up for a bit, I had to be true to form.)
I've just noticed that people who feel they have a purpose in their lives tend to be a bit happier then those who feel they don't. They have a sense of security while others drift about, never sure what to do or who to do it with (or sometimes to...)
Granted many of these purposeful people can get self righteous and tend to be rather aggressive, ahem... sorry... assertive, in pushing their views on others so that on principle we learn to dislike them and avoid anyone who looks a bit too keen to have "a moment of your time?"
But it's still nice to belong to a group. Everyone wants to belong. Even those who don't want to belong, want people to know they belong to the group that doesn't belong! I know because I belong there! Haha, see? You noticed me! You noticed me!!!
Life without some sort of aim can get a bit blah and pedantic after a while. You sort of feel like you're swimming in molasses, sort of going no where slowly and just ending up in a sticky, pointless mess at the end.
Mind people also don't need that much to feel they have a purpose! Sometimes just setting small goals for yourself is enough! You want to get further at work, find the love of your life, make your children happy, weed the garden or marry the goat, whatever takes your fancy. It still gives you a feeling of going somewhere and doing something!
Because we all need something in our lives to add, well something to our lives! Purpose! Meaning! To feel useful! To feel life means something and isn't just a way station until something else better comes along. (Which is ironic if you think of a Jehovah Witness's Manifesto...)
So what is your purpose in life?
I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours! ^_^
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Wednesday 27 July 2011 - GOOD vibrations!
Do you ever wake up with a very happy, warm, jittery feeling like you just know something good is going to happen and you don't know what but you're really, really excited about it anyway? You feel happy, and light and as joyful as Pollyanna on uppers!
Mind I've often had this feeling and nothing particularly MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME has happened each time. In fact once or twice the day has also even taken a turn for the worse and I've felt most let down by the emotional false advertizing!
It's not ESP or a premonition, I have the psychic abilities of a shy lemon, it's just a good all over feeling that's decided to take charge for the day! I'd blame the bananas I have for breakfast but they're innocent of all charges!
Whatever could cause this?
Well I don't know, not a clue! And today could be good, could be bad, could be one where intensive therapy with anatomically correct dolls is required afterwards!
BUT!!!
I'm going to enjoy this feeling to the fullest for however long it's here for and not bother with all the nitty-gritties until afterwards, if at all ever!
Aaaah I could hug the world!!! (But only if some folk took a bath first, good hygiene is not to be sneezed at!)
Have a BEAUTIFUL DAY!!
Mind I've often had this feeling and nothing particularly MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME has happened each time. In fact once or twice the day has also even taken a turn for the worse and I've felt most let down by the emotional false advertizing!
It's not ESP or a premonition, I have the psychic abilities of a shy lemon, it's just a good all over feeling that's decided to take charge for the day! I'd blame the bananas I have for breakfast but they're innocent of all charges!
Whatever could cause this?
Well I don't know, not a clue! And today could be good, could be bad, could be one where intensive therapy with anatomically correct dolls is required afterwards!
BUT!!!
I'm going to enjoy this feeling to the fullest for however long it's here for and not bother with all the nitty-gritties until afterwards, if at all ever!
Aaaah I could hug the world!!! (But only if some folk took a bath first, good hygiene is not to be sneezed at!)
Have a BEAUTIFUL DAY!!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday 26 July 2011 - what I got, I got a lot
If you think about it the average person has so much to be grateful for it's amazing they should whine and complain so much! Which they do! At championship levels!
Instead of being grateful they have a job and work to go to each day, they complain it's not the work they want, or love, or that the hours are too long, the boss is mean, my coworkers can't seem to stand my negative self or that the staff loo only has 1 ply bog rolls!
Instead of being grateful they have a car to drive and the freedom to do so, they whine about traffic and speed cops and petrol prices and how their car isn't as wow as someone else's car which has hideous fins stuck on it and a funny green light underneath that is ugly, but but but, still cool!!!
Instead of being happy they get a salary, they wish it was bigger and fatter and somewhere rivaling the wages god must draw once a month.
Instead of being thrilled they have enough to eat they complain about putting on weight, how the steak is underdone or how ice cream should be calorie free, but give me another serving anyway let's see just how much strain these pant's buttons can take!
Instead of feeling warm emotions that they have friends and family who care about them, they complain that they wish they'd stop phoning all the time, grouch about unexpected visits and forget the name of whatsherface's little brat.
The shelter over our head (Wish the house was bigger), our lovers (they could stand to lose a few pounds), our health (I'm 40 and don't look 20, why is that?) etc etc.
I know the human animal is a complex one, it loves to strive for what it doesn't have, and then let you know in long, voluminous detail, how it's struggle to achieve is going SO BADLY and draining them SO MUCH!!
But every now and then it's also good to have a sit down and take stock of all the things you do have! Your wealth not just in money but in friends, family and healthy living! All these things at your fingertips that you take for granted until the day they're not there and suddenly you realize that maybe, just maybe, you didn't have it so bad after all...
Instead of being grateful they have a job and work to go to each day, they complain it's not the work they want, or love, or that the hours are too long, the boss is mean, my coworkers can't seem to stand my negative self or that the staff loo only has 1 ply bog rolls!
Instead of being grateful they have a car to drive and the freedom to do so, they whine about traffic and speed cops and petrol prices and how their car isn't as wow as someone else's car which has hideous fins stuck on it and a funny green light underneath that is ugly, but but but, still cool!!!
Instead of being happy they get a salary, they wish it was bigger and fatter and somewhere rivaling the wages god must draw once a month.
Instead of being thrilled they have enough to eat they complain about putting on weight, how the steak is underdone or how ice cream should be calorie free, but give me another serving anyway let's see just how much strain these pant's buttons can take!
Instead of feeling warm emotions that they have friends and family who care about them, they complain that they wish they'd stop phoning all the time, grouch about unexpected visits and forget the name of whatsherface's little brat.
The shelter over our head (Wish the house was bigger), our lovers (they could stand to lose a few pounds), our health (I'm 40 and don't look 20, why is that?) etc etc.
I know the human animal is a complex one, it loves to strive for what it doesn't have, and then let you know in long, voluminous detail, how it's struggle to achieve is going SO BADLY and draining them SO MUCH!!
But every now and then it's also good to have a sit down and take stock of all the things you do have! Your wealth not just in money but in friends, family and healthy living! All these things at your fingertips that you take for granted until the day they're not there and suddenly you realize that maybe, just maybe, you didn't have it so bad after all...
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Monday 25 July 2011 - Life's little magics
Aren't home made things the nicest? That pair of socks that's slightly crooked but so warm on your cold, hairy feet? Or a flavourful, home-cooked meal with extra mashed potatoes and things swimming in the gravy best left unmentioned?
Is there anything nicer then knowing that there was effort and love, sweet hopes and desires that went into the making of such things? That they were made with warm feelings and simple joy? You must admit that for all their flaws, there's a little extra magic that goes into all home made goodies!
SO STOP RAGGING ON ABOUT THE BLANKET I'M KNITTING THAT LOOKS MORE LIKE A STARVED SCARF! IT'S HOME MADE DAMMIT!!! MAGICAL!! FULL OF LOVE!!! NEXT PERSON TO TEASE IT GETS A KNITTING NEEDLE SPEARED IN THEIR SOFT AND TENDERS!!!
Is there anything nicer then knowing that there was effort and love, sweet hopes and desires that went into the making of such things? That they were made with warm feelings and simple joy? You must admit that for all their flaws, there's a little extra magic that goes into all home made goodies!
SO STOP RAGGING ON ABOUT THE BLANKET I'M KNITTING THAT LOOKS MORE LIKE A STARVED SCARF! IT'S HOME MADE DAMMIT!!! MAGICAL!! FULL OF LOVE!!! NEXT PERSON TO TEASE IT GETS A KNITTING NEEDLE SPEARED IN THEIR SOFT AND TENDERS!!!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday 21 July - Glory be!
I don't gamble.
Not because of self righteous views, (though I suspect I have a few to use in case of emergencies), nor religious views (in fact I find the religious enjoy gambling most of all, you gamble, go to church and be forgiven your sins, and still have time to make it back for some late Sunday night bingo), or even because I'm on a limited budget.
I just find it immensely dull!
I was taken to a casino once by an ex. We had a dollop of money to use and go nuts on! It was quiet an exciting thought! I'd never done it before and I figured there'd be tons of games to try my somewhat dodgy luck on! Really I thought it would be most entertaining!!
When we got there I decided no roulette for me, it was just a bit too much like giving away cash free, and no cards because I always lose at blackjack and poker. (Funny whenever I tell people that they immediately suggest a game of strip poker - wonder why...)
So I decided the machines it would be!
(I don't know what they're officially called. Back in my caveman days they were known as "one arm bandits" but they've lost their arms and "many buttoned boredom" is, I'm told not the right name, if the right description.)
Oh because it was boring!!!
All you do is feed your money in, press a button (If it's very thrilling then oh oh, maybe press a second button) and wait...
That's it!
There's no skill, no game, no fun! You win some cash or you lose twice as much.
Oh Nelly hold me down before the excitement bowls me over!
And yet folk do it! They do it for HOURS!! They specifically come to the casino to do just that!
Then you hear stories like, "I won R30 000!"
And I'm like, "My my! What did you do with it and can I swap two R10's for a R20?"
And they're reply?
"Well I won R30 000, but then I lost it again! But I did win it!!"
Um.
Ok.
We'll be sure to erect a plaque in your honour...
Then you find out not only did they lose that cash, but all the cash they came with as well and then they won't give your two R10's back because they want to eat something, anything, STOP BITING MY ARM!!!
I know some people win big. But it's a bit like when people say, "Your uncle Tad had no schoolin' n' he now owns two trailers n' a pig!"
Yes there are success stories but we hear about them because they are not the norm, they are the exception! The exception to the very big rule of YOU LOSE!
Well in the end, if it makes them happy and they don't forget their kids on the stove, well then, to each his own. But if we go then please drop me off at the movies or at the kiddies entertainment land so that my cash at least buys me memories I'm going to want to look back on!
Not because of self righteous views, (though I suspect I have a few to use in case of emergencies), nor religious views (in fact I find the religious enjoy gambling most of all, you gamble, go to church and be forgiven your sins, and still have time to make it back for some late Sunday night bingo), or even because I'm on a limited budget.
I just find it immensely dull!
I was taken to a casino once by an ex. We had a dollop of money to use and go nuts on! It was quiet an exciting thought! I'd never done it before and I figured there'd be tons of games to try my somewhat dodgy luck on! Really I thought it would be most entertaining!!
When we got there I decided no roulette for me, it was just a bit too much like giving away cash free, and no cards because I always lose at blackjack and poker. (Funny whenever I tell people that they immediately suggest a game of strip poker - wonder why...)
So I decided the machines it would be!
(I don't know what they're officially called. Back in my caveman days they were known as "one arm bandits" but they've lost their arms and "many buttoned boredom" is, I'm told not the right name, if the right description.)
Oh because it was boring!!!
All you do is feed your money in, press a button (If it's very thrilling then oh oh, maybe press a second button) and wait...
That's it!
There's no skill, no game, no fun! You win some cash or you lose twice as much.
Oh Nelly hold me down before the excitement bowls me over!
And yet folk do it! They do it for HOURS!! They specifically come to the casino to do just that!
Then you hear stories like, "I won R30 000!"
And I'm like, "My my! What did you do with it and can I swap two R10's for a R20?"
And they're reply?
"Well I won R30 000, but then I lost it again! But I did win it!!"
Um.
Ok.
We'll be sure to erect a plaque in your honour...
Then you find out not only did they lose that cash, but all the cash they came with as well and then they won't give your two R10's back because they want to eat something, anything, STOP BITING MY ARM!!!
I know some people win big. But it's a bit like when people say, "Your uncle Tad had no schoolin' n' he now owns two trailers n' a pig!"
Yes there are success stories but we hear about them because they are not the norm, they are the exception! The exception to the very big rule of YOU LOSE!
Well in the end, if it makes them happy and they don't forget their kids on the stove, well then, to each his own. But if we go then please drop me off at the movies or at the kiddies entertainment land so that my cash at least buys me memories I'm going to want to look back on!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wednesday 20 July 2011 - Fairy Tale
Once upon a time there was a dashing Prince. Good looking in a mildly inbred way.
One day the Prince decided to go forth from his proud castle out into the world!
He packed his bags with everything he would need, armed himself and leapt upon his mighty white charger! (Well actually he had to get a leg up, he needed a tad bit more exercise then he was getting but the position of prince does require a lot of office work, and he vowed to renew his gym contract the moment he got back.)
Letting forth a resounding yell, the wrought iron gates were opened and off he rode!
The Prince traveled for a long time, through hills and ditches. (Sometimes falling into the ditches when he wasn't looking but since no one else saw, it didn't count.)
Suddenly, turning a convenient corner, into the forest, the Prince came before a mighty dragon!
"Prince!" snorted the dragon, "I knew you'd come!"
"Of course!" yelled our bandy legged hero, "prepare yourself!"
The Prince withdrew his weapon, the sharpest dagger in the land, and with a flourish, cut free the bags that were on either side of his noble, if already bored, steed!
"Over here!" snarled the dragon, as it leapt into a clearing within the trees!
The Prince chased after, understanding that this would be the perfect place! The perfect setting!
With yet another flourish (Royalty like the added glamour), he tossed one of the bags at the dragon, which hit the mighty beast square in the head!
The dragon turned to him, eyes blazing and yelled, "Now why did you do that? Ouch man! I'm going to have a bruise!"
"Sorry!" said the Prince sheepishly, "You know me terrible aim and what what, shall we set up then?"
Working together the Prince and the dragon managed to get their entire picnic set up in next to no time.
"Care for a sausage?" asked the Prince, spearing one of the fat little goodies with his dagger.
"Don't mind if I do! Try the honey bread Highness, it's like, totally to die for!"
And the two spent the rest of the day, eating good food and enjoying each others company.
THE END
One day the Prince decided to go forth from his proud castle out into the world!
He packed his bags with everything he would need, armed himself and leapt upon his mighty white charger! (Well actually he had to get a leg up, he needed a tad bit more exercise then he was getting but the position of prince does require a lot of office work, and he vowed to renew his gym contract the moment he got back.)
Letting forth a resounding yell, the wrought iron gates were opened and off he rode!
The Prince traveled for a long time, through hills and ditches. (Sometimes falling into the ditches when he wasn't looking but since no one else saw, it didn't count.)
Suddenly, turning a convenient corner, into the forest, the Prince came before a mighty dragon!
"Prince!" snorted the dragon, "I knew you'd come!"
"Of course!" yelled our bandy legged hero, "prepare yourself!"
The Prince withdrew his weapon, the sharpest dagger in the land, and with a flourish, cut free the bags that were on either side of his noble, if already bored, steed!
"Over here!" snarled the dragon, as it leapt into a clearing within the trees!
The Prince chased after, understanding that this would be the perfect place! The perfect setting!
With yet another flourish (Royalty like the added glamour), he tossed one of the bags at the dragon, which hit the mighty beast square in the head!
The dragon turned to him, eyes blazing and yelled, "Now why did you do that? Ouch man! I'm going to have a bruise!"
"Sorry!" said the Prince sheepishly, "You know me terrible aim and what what, shall we set up then?"
Working together the Prince and the dragon managed to get their entire picnic set up in next to no time.
"Care for a sausage?" asked the Prince, spearing one of the fat little goodies with his dagger.
"Don't mind if I do! Try the honey bread Highness, it's like, totally to die for!"
And the two spent the rest of the day, eating good food and enjoying each others company.
THE END
Monday, July 18, 2011
Tuesday 19 July 2011 - Spooked
Do you believe in ghosts?
I must say I'm a skeptic myself. I suspect them of being in the same league as Santa, the tooth fairy and large tax pay backs. I do know there are many weird and wonderful things out there, things that can't be explained yet by science or rational logic, like paranormal phenomenon and 80's hair, but I would think that once someone died they'd be much better off getting on with it, going to heaven or Nirvana or hoping a lift on the karmic wheel or going to Valhalla where 90 nubile, hopefully the right gender,virgins await them!
I can't imagine hanging around in spirit form would be all that fun and dandy?
All you could do was basically watch. Watch everyone else get on with their lives doing stuff you could do but can't anymore. Laugh, love, poop, eat bananas (and then have to poop again as the fruit is good fibre), and do everything while you stand around only being sensed by cats and creepy old ladies who can also predict the weather at least 50% of the time spot on!
I think it would be awful lonely.
I mean, even if you're a poltergeist and can toss a few family heirlooms artfully about a room, that's going to lose it's appeal sooner or later. (But not until after you've whisked up a few skirts and rammed cousin Vinny's face into the tomato soup for the 40th time - that's what you get for pulling my hair 56 years ago!!)
And what if there are ghost-busters and they end up catching you and you spend an eternity in a small jar, often being mistaken for a seminal sample? I've lost a lot of good friends that way!
Still a good ghost story is a lot of fun and on a rainy, cold night, and suddenly a lot more believable! I suppose it's nice t have something left that science hasn't explained away all the mystery and magic to?
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and remove a poltergeist from my underwear draw again! I swear they always seem to accumulate in there!
I must say I'm a skeptic myself. I suspect them of being in the same league as Santa, the tooth fairy and large tax pay backs. I do know there are many weird and wonderful things out there, things that can't be explained yet by science or rational logic, like paranormal phenomenon and 80's hair, but I would think that once someone died they'd be much better off getting on with it, going to heaven or Nirvana or hoping a lift on the karmic wheel or going to Valhalla where 90 nubile, hopefully the right gender,virgins await them!
I can't imagine hanging around in spirit form would be all that fun and dandy?
All you could do was basically watch. Watch everyone else get on with their lives doing stuff you could do but can't anymore. Laugh, love, poop, eat bananas (and then have to poop again as the fruit is good fibre), and do everything while you stand around only being sensed by cats and creepy old ladies who can also predict the weather at least 50% of the time spot on!
I think it would be awful lonely.
I mean, even if you're a poltergeist and can toss a few family heirlooms artfully about a room, that's going to lose it's appeal sooner or later. (But not until after you've whisked up a few skirts and rammed cousin Vinny's face into the tomato soup for the 40th time - that's what you get for pulling my hair 56 years ago!!)
And what if there are ghost-busters and they end up catching you and you spend an eternity in a small jar, often being mistaken for a seminal sample? I've lost a lot of good friends that way!
Still a good ghost story is a lot of fun and on a rainy, cold night, and suddenly a lot more believable! I suppose it's nice t have something left that science hasn't explained away all the mystery and magic to?
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and remove a poltergeist from my underwear draw again! I swear they always seem to accumulate in there!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Saturday 16 Junly 2011 - Imagine...
Imagine if this world was a better place. If people loved each other freely and with deep emotional bonds and kinship to all. Imagine there was no war, no poverty, no disease and no one left wanting. Imagine if humanity worked together for a shared future, a paradise on earth?
Now imagine if the earth was invaded by giant lizard people! Imagine they had huge stun guns and liked to catch people and keep them like livestock and breed them for the table and fancy eating!!!
Well there you go! A nice brain work out for you!
Bill's in the mail.
Now imagine if the earth was invaded by giant lizard people! Imagine they had huge stun guns and liked to catch people and keep them like livestock and breed them for the table and fancy eating!!!
Well there you go! A nice brain work out for you!
Bill's in the mail.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Friday 15 July 2011 - Don't be a Fuel!
At this rate, with The Strike still on, soon all South Africans are going to have to find a new way to get to work that doesn't involve petrol. Which is a HECK of a lot easier said then done! A big Thank you by the way to the SA laws that allow one small group to hold the entire country hostage in a cute move that would be labeled "terrorism" elsewhere but here is just your average everyday strike, eish!
Anyway I was being proactive and thinking of different ways people could get to work! Like:-
1. If they live in a 10km radius of work they could walk! Get out of bed, put their takkies on and go for a nice stroll in the sunshine. (Or, since it's winter, the blistering cold). Mind I suppose most desk jockeys would collapse less then a kilometer in, but nothing says "take time-off-work" like a small, near fatal heart attack!
Or maybe strap on a pair of roller skates? I'm sure once you get over the broken-teeth option it could be quiet a lot of fun!
2. Take the Gautrain! Annoy all the people who use it already by flooding in and making them have to stand because you're "in my seat!" Well it doesn't have your name on it so...oh wait it does? Who knew a ball pen could write on vinyl?
3. Catch a black taxi. Get to find out if 50 people really can occupy less then 2 meters squared, get up close and personal to your seatmate's armpits and get sweetly serenaded by whatever fouly bad R&B music is DA-DOOFING out the speaker conveniently placed by your head.
4. Car pool with friends or neighbours. This is less crowded then the taxi option but does slam you with the 'awkward silences' bit, once talk of how well you slept, and "my isn't it cold" has been used up. A quick solution is to suddenly become fascinated with staring out the window at all the beautiful scenery going by.(Hey is that man doing what I think he's doing?!)
5. Start cycling to work! This is like walking on fast forward. If you're unfit though you get the same results as walking in Rewind. Though you will develop a stunning set of calf muscles, that people will Ooh and Aah about once they get over your ripe B.O.
6. Get a horse or mule. This is south africa. No one's naive enough to think this will be the last time this happens! Consider it an investment in transportation and lawn fertilization!
Well here's to the strike being over as soon as possible and things returning to, ah, "normal"!
Until then, Happy Creative Thinking Everyone!
Anyway I was being proactive and thinking of different ways people could get to work! Like:-
1. If they live in a 10km radius of work they could walk! Get out of bed, put their takkies on and go for a nice stroll in the sunshine. (Or, since it's winter, the blistering cold). Mind I suppose most desk jockeys would collapse less then a kilometer in, but nothing says "take time-off-work" like a small, near fatal heart attack!
Or maybe strap on a pair of roller skates? I'm sure once you get over the broken-teeth option it could be quiet a lot of fun!
2. Take the Gautrain! Annoy all the people who use it already by flooding in and making them have to stand because you're "in my seat!" Well it doesn't have your name on it so...oh wait it does? Who knew a ball pen could write on vinyl?
3. Catch a black taxi. Get to find out if 50 people really can occupy less then 2 meters squared, get up close and personal to your seatmate's armpits and get sweetly serenaded by whatever fouly bad R&B music is DA-DOOFING out the speaker conveniently placed by your head.
4. Car pool with friends or neighbours. This is less crowded then the taxi option but does slam you with the 'awkward silences' bit, once talk of how well you slept, and "my isn't it cold" has been used up. A quick solution is to suddenly become fascinated with staring out the window at all the beautiful scenery going by.(Hey is that man doing what I think he's doing?!)
5. Start cycling to work! This is like walking on fast forward. If you're unfit though you get the same results as walking in Rewind. Though you will develop a stunning set of calf muscles, that people will Ooh and Aah about once they get over your ripe B.O.
6. Get a horse or mule. This is south africa. No one's naive enough to think this will be the last time this happens! Consider it an investment in transportation and lawn fertilization!
Well here's to the strike being over as soon as possible and things returning to, ah, "normal"!
Until then, Happy Creative Thinking Everyone!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Wednesday 13 July 2011 - like it hate it, still true
"My faith is true because I fan feel it! I'm sure of it!!"
This, I find, is the number one explanation most people have of why their faith is right and everyone else is, quiet obviously, WRONG!!
I do often wonder if they never realize that a Christian has the exact same feeling that his godling is the right one! That a Muslim knows without a shadow of a doubt that his Allah is all gold! That a moon cult will happily give their lives to board the mother ship because their faith, their feelings, their certainty, was undeniable, unshakable!
And other people laugh at their gullibility, before going into religious service to hear about their own faiths that bring about their own certainty, undeniable and unshakeable!
But, they cry, my religion is popular! There are lots of followers, ergo it must be right!
Even if eons ago the worship of gods on the mountains was the most popular and theirs only started from a lucky break, doesn't matter, it has to be true
cause... cause... cause....
I feel it! I have faith! I know it to the pit of my heart and soul!!!
Just like every other member of every other religion.
That's what faith is.
Having faith doesn't make you automatically right, regardless of the feelings in your heart, soul or left elbow.
It makes you faithful to one set of beliefs.
Oh I'm not dissing religion, it's a terribly useful social tool, if not as much now then as before, it's still something not to be toyed with.
I'm more just trying to remind folk that they should keep an open mind and remember that yes, there is a chance you could be wrong, and that therefore you should always try and grow and learn as a person and change your thoughts and beliefs as you do! If you find flaws, don't turn a blind eye, question, explore, ask! Grow yourself so that when you do say, "I am a christian, Buddhist, Jew, etc" you can do so from a platform of openness, honesty and tolerance.
To stagnate, with your life built up only on faith of one belief that wants you to exclude all others, follow blindly and donate generously...
How you waste yourself.
This, I find, is the number one explanation most people have of why their faith is right and everyone else is, quiet obviously, WRONG!!
I do often wonder if they never realize that a Christian has the exact same feeling that his godling is the right one! That a Muslim knows without a shadow of a doubt that his Allah is all gold! That a moon cult will happily give their lives to board the mother ship because their faith, their feelings, their certainty, was undeniable, unshakable!
And other people laugh at their gullibility, before going into religious service to hear about their own faiths that bring about their own certainty, undeniable and unshakeable!
But, they cry, my religion is popular! There are lots of followers, ergo it must be right!
Even if eons ago the worship of gods on the mountains was the most popular and theirs only started from a lucky break, doesn't matter, it has to be true
cause... cause... cause....
I feel it! I have faith! I know it to the pit of my heart and soul!!!
Just like every other member of every other religion.
That's what faith is.
Having faith doesn't make you automatically right, regardless of the feelings in your heart, soul or left elbow.
It makes you faithful to one set of beliefs.
Oh I'm not dissing religion, it's a terribly useful social tool, if not as much now then as before, it's still something not to be toyed with.
I'm more just trying to remind folk that they should keep an open mind and remember that yes, there is a chance you could be wrong, and that therefore you should always try and grow and learn as a person and change your thoughts and beliefs as you do! If you find flaws, don't turn a blind eye, question, explore, ask! Grow yourself so that when you do say, "I am a christian, Buddhist, Jew, etc" you can do so from a platform of openness, honesty and tolerance.
To stagnate, with your life built up only on faith of one belief that wants you to exclude all others, follow blindly and donate generously...
How you waste yourself.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Tuesday 12 July 2011 - Well well
Forget your grandmother's pearls or that deep shade of lipstick.
Forget your Armani Tie or those cufflinks Churchill once wore, maybe.
Forget your favorite sweater, those pants with the knife edge crease or those heels that clack so satisfyingly on marble surfaces.
Forget all that jazz because no one really notices anyway!
If you really want an accessory to capture people's eyes and attention:-
SMILE!!!
If nothing else, it leaves them wondering...
p.s. Though anyone who owns and wears ALL of the above I've written will, of course, leave us all wondering as well...
Forget your Armani Tie or those cufflinks Churchill once wore, maybe.
Forget your favorite sweater, those pants with the knife edge crease or those heels that clack so satisfyingly on marble surfaces.
Forget all that jazz because no one really notices anyway!
If you really want an accessory to capture people's eyes and attention:-
SMILE!!!
If nothing else, it leaves them wondering...
p.s. Though anyone who owns and wears ALL of the above I've written will, of course, leave us all wondering as well...
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Monday 11 July 2011 - Flesh form
I wonder how much computers are changing the way humans interact?
We do so much on the net these days that it's possible to live your entire life behind the PC, never bothering to leave your home and saving a fortune on deodorant.
A man from Canada can now marry a woman from Beijing, because they met on the net. Something that would never have happened otherwise! What a way to mix genetics! (Our ancestors would probably frown and mumble, "Yer cousin Betsy woulda made a fine woman vir ye, she's got em birthing hips...")
Even "everyday" dating is different. Long ago, back in the dark ages, aka pre-internet, you met up with your sweetie on your date, had a great time, watched a movie, snogged a bit, wondered to yourself if this could lead to a white picket fence and two kids scenario, got dropped off at home and then days or weeks could go by without seeing them again, where you anxiously watch the telephone and wonder, Why don't they phone me, when they're home wondering the same thing! This was the norm!
But now you go home and pretty much pick up your conversations where you left off. Instant messaging, webcams and social sites all mean you don't have to wait a nano second more and if s/he doesn't message you within 15 minutes of the date then you're just, like, so doomed doll!!
Which is kind of ironic then that depression and loneliness are also two statistics that are rising. You chat with your cyber friends 24/7 but then still go to bed feeling somewhat unsatisfied.
The fact is we're genetically hardwired to enjoy the actual living, breathing, sometimes rather funky smelling, physical closeness of other human beings! Even greasy haired emos who are Eternally Suffering, want at least a few living breathing members of society to witness their their battle and eventual decent into darkness! (Mostly because candle light is not very illuminating).
I suspect that's basically even a serial killers modus operandi, a sort of very twisted way of saying, "Hey everyone, look at me! look at me! Aren't I clever? Aren't I worth being noticed?"
We're getting more and more cloistered behind our monitors. Meeting people in real life is becoming less of an option and more of a bother. There's a certain safety in being behind a screen that being face to face strips away. It's easier to take a digital rejection then a flesh and blood one. It hurts less and you can just put an ad up for a new friend, lol etc.
But a computer is a pretty lame friend to do things with, even so. (Mind they are getting smaller and smaller and more high tech, it's probably just a matter of time before they can interact more and then who knows, snog you back and promise to love you above all other organic tissues?)
And it's highly unlikely that society will just one day heave a mass shrug and go, "Meh, computers were fun but I'm bored now, lets play frisbee!" Technology is here to stay, regardless of what the Amish, and that cult down the road, are secretly hoping.
So don't forget your friends!!!
Remember to take time out to be with the living! Friendship can take a lot of strain but there are breaking points as well! And I bet you anything that a day in the company of good chums, laughing, breathing and burping, will give you a high that a whole week on skype or gtalk has yet to be able to reproduce!
Look! Sunshine! Go outside already!!!
We do so much on the net these days that it's possible to live your entire life behind the PC, never bothering to leave your home and saving a fortune on deodorant.
A man from Canada can now marry a woman from Beijing, because they met on the net. Something that would never have happened otherwise! What a way to mix genetics! (Our ancestors would probably frown and mumble, "Yer cousin Betsy woulda made a fine woman vir ye, she's got em birthing hips...")
Even "everyday" dating is different. Long ago, back in the dark ages, aka pre-internet, you met up with your sweetie on your date, had a great time, watched a movie, snogged a bit, wondered to yourself if this could lead to a white picket fence and two kids scenario, got dropped off at home and then days or weeks could go by without seeing them again, where you anxiously watch the telephone and wonder, Why don't they phone me, when they're home wondering the same thing! This was the norm!
But now you go home and pretty much pick up your conversations where you left off. Instant messaging, webcams and social sites all mean you don't have to wait a nano second more and if s/he doesn't message you within 15 minutes of the date then you're just, like, so doomed doll!!
Which is kind of ironic then that depression and loneliness are also two statistics that are rising. You chat with your cyber friends 24/7 but then still go to bed feeling somewhat unsatisfied.
The fact is we're genetically hardwired to enjoy the actual living, breathing, sometimes rather funky smelling, physical closeness of other human beings! Even greasy haired emos who are Eternally Suffering, want at least a few living breathing members of society to witness their their battle and eventual decent into darkness! (Mostly because candle light is not very illuminating).
I suspect that's basically even a serial killers modus operandi, a sort of very twisted way of saying, "Hey everyone, look at me! look at me! Aren't I clever? Aren't I worth being noticed?"
We're getting more and more cloistered behind our monitors. Meeting people in real life is becoming less of an option and more of a bother. There's a certain safety in being behind a screen that being face to face strips away. It's easier to take a digital rejection then a flesh and blood one. It hurts less and you can just put an ad up for a new friend, lol etc.
But a computer is a pretty lame friend to do things with, even so. (Mind they are getting smaller and smaller and more high tech, it's probably just a matter of time before they can interact more and then who knows, snog you back and promise to love you above all other organic tissues?)
And it's highly unlikely that society will just one day heave a mass shrug and go, "Meh, computers were fun but I'm bored now, lets play frisbee!" Technology is here to stay, regardless of what the Amish, and that cult down the road, are secretly hoping.
So don't forget your friends!!!
Remember to take time out to be with the living! Friendship can take a lot of strain but there are breaking points as well! And I bet you anything that a day in the company of good chums, laughing, breathing and burping, will give you a high that a whole week on skype or gtalk has yet to be able to reproduce!
Look! Sunshine! Go outside already!!!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Thursday 07 July 2011 - Narcissistic much?
I often hear folk debating existentialism and the big question of, "WHY ARE WE ALL HERE?"
I never have had that problem.
I already know why people exist.
To Entertain me!!!
Duh!
Sometimes people really do overlook the obvious...
I never have had that problem.
I already know why people exist.
To Entertain me!!!
Duh!
Sometimes people really do overlook the obvious...
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Wednesday 06 July 2011 - how beautiful we are
I have to make a most indignant second thought today! I've been watching some girls trying to decide how best to get rid of a "Loser" who happens not to be the worlds most sexiest guy! They don't know him or have even chatted to him, but he's not gorgeous ergo not worth the effort!
Aaaah you lot are so daft!!!
Why, why, why are folk so hung up on appearances? I mean sure, if the guy's got third stage leprosy it might not be wise to kiss and cuddle but the vast majority of "ugly" people only have a few imperfections!
A bit too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too nerdy, too poor, (never too rich I notice...), wears glasses, wears chinos, too much hair, far too little, frizzy hair, bald, buck teeth, no teeth, yellow teeth...
Do you know how few people look like Prince charming? Or Princess... what the hell is the female version... Princess Darling? And the thing that get's me is that the girls being so mean aren't exactly all supermodels themselves!
We're human beings, we have physical flaws, so be it! But we also have kindness, generosity, a sense of humour *swoon*, friendliness, happiness and the ability to give one hell of a cuddle!! At least take these into consideration, who the person really is, deep deep down inside, before you toss them aside like tinder!*
Cause having only looks is a bit like art, pretty to look at and admire, but no to spend time with at a picnic! I want to laugh, and be silly and make bad jokes with someone, not listen to them whine about broken nails, or mussed hair, and that's just the guys!
So maybe just think a bit before you judge someone by how they look! You could be throwing away the love of your life, or the best friend you could ever have had!
*p.s. - I used the word tinder because I was going to say, "Like a used faggot" but I'm one of only 2% of the world who knows I'm not talking about a rejected gay guy...
Aaaah you lot are so daft!!!
Why, why, why are folk so hung up on appearances? I mean sure, if the guy's got third stage leprosy it might not be wise to kiss and cuddle but the vast majority of "ugly" people only have a few imperfections!
A bit too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too nerdy, too poor, (never too rich I notice...), wears glasses, wears chinos, too much hair, far too little, frizzy hair, bald, buck teeth, no teeth, yellow teeth...
Do you know how few people look like Prince charming? Or Princess... what the hell is the female version... Princess Darling? And the thing that get's me is that the girls being so mean aren't exactly all supermodels themselves!
We're human beings, we have physical flaws, so be it! But we also have kindness, generosity, a sense of humour *swoon*, friendliness, happiness and the ability to give one hell of a cuddle!! At least take these into consideration, who the person really is, deep deep down inside, before you toss them aside like tinder!*
Cause having only looks is a bit like art, pretty to look at and admire, but no to spend time with at a picnic! I want to laugh, and be silly and make bad jokes with someone, not listen to them whine about broken nails, or mussed hair, and that's just the guys!
So maybe just think a bit before you judge someone by how they look! You could be throwing away the love of your life, or the best friend you could ever have had!
*p.s. - I used the word tinder because I was going to say, "Like a used faggot" but I'm one of only 2% of the world who knows I'm not talking about a rejected gay guy...
Wednesday 06 July 2011 - whine whine whine
Ooooooh! I bunged up my right leg! No nice, overly long, 5 hour walk for me today! Sigh! I shall be a caged monkey, forced to stay indoors, with the heater and food and anime, on a cold, cold day! How cruel!!!
It tells you how addicted I am to walking that I'd really rather just go for a walk, no jokes or sarcasm, bugger the rest!
I like being active! That is the only, only, only, big plus to being woefully unemployed, is that I do so have time to go out and about and appreciate the world! (Someone has to do it! I should get paid...)
But I do get to:-
see the other unemployed people and wave hello - we have a passing acquaintance;
marvel at the prices Checkers expects me to pay for oranges, oh hell no;
check the mail - sometimes there's interesting stuff, my divorce papers perhaps;
walk through waves of school kids - except on school holidays, gods bless them so;
step on acorns and egg shells and listen to that very satisfying CCCCCCCRUNCH under my shoe;
avoid the eyes of perverts - occasionally the hands as well;
wave at kids in buses;
bark back at dogs - most ignore me but some are rather taken aback;
buy bananas - oh bananas
and walk back home again, feeling my steps getting lighter and lighter as home gets closer and closer! (Esp. if someone's home!)
Okay that's just really really made me want to walk now. *Gets up, hobbles a bit, grimaces a lot, sits back down*
Okay, so who wants to chat on gtalk while I surf the net for employment? Suddenly that seems so very much more fun!!!
*stifles small sob*
It tells you how addicted I am to walking that I'd really rather just go for a walk, no jokes or sarcasm, bugger the rest!
I like being active! That is the only, only, only, big plus to being woefully unemployed, is that I do so have time to go out and about and appreciate the world! (Someone has to do it! I should get paid...)
But I do get to:-
see the other unemployed people and wave hello - we have a passing acquaintance;
marvel at the prices Checkers expects me to pay for oranges, oh hell no;
check the mail - sometimes there's interesting stuff, my divorce papers perhaps;
walk through waves of school kids - except on school holidays, gods bless them so;
step on acorns and egg shells and listen to that very satisfying CCCCCCCRUNCH under my shoe;
avoid the eyes of perverts - occasionally the hands as well;
wave at kids in buses;
bark back at dogs - most ignore me but some are rather taken aback;
buy bananas - oh bananas
and walk back home again, feeling my steps getting lighter and lighter as home gets closer and closer! (Esp. if someone's home!)
Okay that's just really really made me want to walk now. *Gets up, hobbles a bit, grimaces a lot, sits back down*
Okay, so who wants to chat on gtalk while I surf the net for employment? Suddenly that seems so very much more fun!!!
*stifles small sob*
Monday, July 4, 2011
Tuesday 05 July 2011 - Forboding....
I'm off to the dentist and this song won't stop playing in my head:-
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