Why are fancy clothes always so uncomfortable? *Wriggles around madly looking oddly like a dog scootering about who has worms*
Great high heels that make your calves look like sculptured steel also make your feet feel like they're caught in a sentient bear trap that's taking a good gnaw or your flavourful flesh!!
A nice, smart blouse constantly itches your back between the shoulder blades like a 4 year old pulling on your skirt going, "Look! Look! Loooooook!" and the skirt itself rides up here and down there and goes places no skirt should go without first buying you dinner and a movie!
Some people put on makeup, usually women but goths and metro-sexual males as well, but I steer clear of the stuff! Makes my skin feel ghastly and I always worry about the mass lipstick intake I gobble down whenever I smile, talk or breathe. And then something small gets in your eye, only you can't rub it cause you'll muss your eyeliner and powders and unguents and stuff, so you go around blinking furiously looking like a pirate with a facial tick!
And then jewelry? Oh hell no! Especially necklaces. I tend to fiddle with them and half strangling myself with a faux ruby choker! Or I forget I'm wearing it and you hear the chain musically snap as you wrench your shirt off in enthusiastic abandonment! And dangly earrings look great, right until they snag on your shoulder and you walk around like Quasimodo's lop-sided sister!
Man, people should hire you for your skills and your savvy! (I put that last one in because I don't have that many skills but I still want to be hired!). They shouldn't hire you for how well you fill in a tight, perky top or Armani suit!
So saying let me go get ready for my interview!
Now where is that sexy, perky, tight top of mine...
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